Posts Tagged ‘anger’

…and you can be compassionate even if you have a penis…

…just so you know.

(and you can be judgmental even if you have a vagina, to be fair.)

I just couldn’t resist the rhyme when it popped into my head. 😀

ANYHOO, my point is this:

Judgment means “an opinion.” We all form them.  Frequently.  And that’s okay…as long as it’s not getting in our way, interfering with our relationships, our work, our lives.

Compassion literally means “with love.”  It’s what happens when we try to see through the eyes of another being.  It is powerful, beautiful, and difficult to overuse.

Judgment labels, separates, assigns blame or responsibility.  Compassion accepts, embraces, and expands understanding.

What judgment hurts, compassion can heal.

I woke in a lovely mood today, and on my long commute I noticed a lot more traffic on the road than usual, and a lot more horns going off all around me.

It’s President’s Day, which some people celebrate by driving in a state of irritation and attemping to spread their mood with the use of obnoxious loud noises.

I chose to celebrate today by fantasizing about being interviewed on The Ellen Degeneres Show about my book after it comes out, and having her reveal to me that I’d reached number one on the New York Time’s Best Sellers list.

If I'm going to dream, I'm going to dream big!

Consequently, I felt happy and peaceful.  Every light was green, and every place I needed to turn left had a considerate driver holding space for me so I didn’t have to wait for the next red light.

When I dropped my three-year-old son off at his in-home daycare, the other half dozen toddlers shouted his name and ran up to him, each hugging and kissing him in turn, and he hugged and kissed each back before allowing one of his friends to lead him by the hand to the back yard, the other toddlers surrounding him like an escort.  I wish I’d had my camera for that moment!

Then, at Publix I got some watermelon and my favorite salsa and organic blue corn chips to snack on today, and I spotaneously decided to get treat myself with PureAlmond Dark Chocolate 8 oz beverages, which said buy 3 get 1 free.  When I got to the register, they didn’t ring up at the correct price, so the cashier gave me 2 for free!


Today, I was in Flow, a state of compassion, being filled with love…and love reflected all around me.

I’m still there.

I just wanted to share, so you can join me. ❤

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Since I took the name Spirit Healer, and even before, when I started using my intuitive and healing gifts, I have received hundreds if not thousands of requests from people all over the world, begging me to heal them.

Please heal me...

While I am always happy and honored to send healing energy & love, and to offer help in whatever way I can, I have a confession…

I can’t heal you.

That’s right: Spirit Healer cannot heal you.

So why did I choose the name Spirit Healer?

Because I can heal my own spirit.  And I can help you figure out how to heal your own spirit.

I can help you, but I can’t do the work for you.

And guess what?


Yes, you can.

Only you can.


You are your own savior.

Just like the only person you can change is yourself, the only person that can heal you is you.

Doctors, psychologists, therapists, self-help gurus, spiritual counselors, psychics, energy healers…we can all help you.  We can all teach you, provide you with tools, inspiration, and direction.  That’s what we are here for.  That’s our job.

You can accept our help, or decline it.  You can follow a well-tread path to healing, or forge your own.

What does your path look like?

I’ve just created a new path by combining three other paths I’ve read about.

I call it The No Excuses/Yes I Can/Screw It Path.  It works like this:

Every time you catch an inner voice making excuses about why you can’t eat healthier food/get more sleep/ break a sweat for thirty minutes/ try a new healing technique for more than thirty seconds/learn  something you always wanted to/etc., you firmly tell that voice “NO EXCUSES!” And you DO IT ANYWAY.

Every time a voice in your head says, “I can’t,” you shout, “YES I CAN,” and you DO.

Every time you find yourself slipping back into old bad habits, negative thinking, or any other behavior that gets in the way of the positive changes you are trying to make for yourself, just say, “SCREW IT!” and go on your merry way making your changes.

On this path, you take all that energy that you used to put into procrastinating, venting, making excuses, distracting yourself from your goals, and treating yourself badly, and you turn it all around.

Turn anger into passion which fuels you on your path to health and joy.

This is a path to healing based on willpower, motivation, and dedication.  If you find yourself angry often, this could be a great path for you, because you can use your anger to fuel those three qualities in yourself.  Instead of being angry at another person, or the world, or yourself, you can see that anger as a sense of injustice and let it fuel your fight for better self-treatment and total self-love.

Would this path work for you?

Maybe.  Maybe not.

But I guarantee there is a path that will work for you: YOUR path.

And if you’ve already figured it out in whole or in part, I’d love to hear about it!

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When I wrote the post about my personal plan of attack on healing anger, I had a very short fuse. If I didn’t get at least six hours of unbroken sleep, and if I missed a meal, I would catch myself getting angry over the stupidest things, yelling at my toddler for being too noisy or too active, silently berating people for not doing things the way I thought they should be done. Several times a day I would catch myself complaining,  having temper tantrums with stomping and cursing and being violent with my belongings, fantasizing about yelling at people or even hurting them, and I would notice that my fists were clenched and my shoulders and neck were way tense.

I was afraid of my anger, afraid that it would burst from me in a fireball of destruction and I would say or do something that I couldn’t take back. At the same time, I had less and less control over the volume of my voice, and I had a harder and harder time preventing myself from speaking in a way both mean and rude to children and adults alike.

RAWR. And stuff.

My plan of attack, to summarize quickly, looked like this:

  1. Recognize and acknowledge my anger.
  2. Find the real reason for the anger by journaling or talking about it.
  3. Come up with a short-term method of heading off the anger in the moment. (Like walking away, taking 4-10 deep breaths, angry dance, tickling my toddler, speaking in tongues, etc.)
  4. Take care of my mind, heart, body, and spirit so that I am balanced, calm, and peaceful by default.
  5. Forgive myself and the person or people who inspired my anger (Which is more difficult than it sounds…more on that in a later post.)

My goal was to feel peaceful and calm most of the time, and to have a back up plan to protect the people around me when I was off balance due to illness, pain, or lack of sleep.

It works!

I still get angry sometimes, but not every day, and not even once a week anymore. I still have some people to forgive long term grievances, but I know that in time I will be successful in forgiving them too.

I have learned that there are only three healthy, positive ways to release angry energy (that I can think of.)

  1. Laugh, especially if you can get others laughing too.
  2. Cry, by yourself if you must or with others if they need to (but don’t MAKE anyone cry.)
  3. Exercise – singing loud angry songs, dancing, jumping, running, chopping down invasive plants with machetes, push ups, lunges, beating the crap out of a punching bag or pillow…bonus points if you burn off the energy in a silly way that leads to laughter.

Angry behavior, however, is hurtful. Verbal, emotional, and physical violence against objects or people can feel cathartic, but they actually make things worse for ourselves as well as the people around us. One of the biggest problems of modern society is that most people don’t know how to deal with anger, how to use it constructively, and how to let it go without being destructive.

In that previous post about healing anger, I said that anger and fear are opposite ends of a deservability spectrum. Anger results from feeling like you deserve better (“That jerk should have listened to me…”), while fear results from feeling undeserving (“I’m not overreacting…am I?”). Most people feel both emotions at the same time because they have the same root – insecurity, lack of faith, lack of trust in ones’ self and the inherent goodness of the Universe.

Also, fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to the dark side. 😉

In the last few months, as I’ve worked on healing my anger, I have learned that anger can be helpful when it raises awareness of a problem and when it helps a person focus their energy on creating change.  It can serve as an alert, to let you know you have a problem that you need to fix.  Here are a few ways you can you use anger to improve your life and the world:

  • Be aware of how you feel and why you feel that way, and acknowledge the feeling and the right to feel it in yourself and in others. (“I see that you are angry. I’m here if you need to vent or if you want to brainstorm for solutions.”)
  • Inspire, don’t bully. Behave in a way you want others to emulate, without physical, verbal or emotional violence – even if someone behaves in a bullying way towards you.
  • Calm yourself down before you act or decide. Never act or make a decision while angry if it can wait even a moment. (It helps to have quick tricks for self-soothing, like sucking your thumb, taking a few deep breaths, making a joke, doing a jig…)
  • Recognize the tension and irritation building up before it boils over, and diffuse it with humor, tears, or exercise.
  • Use the energy raised by the anger to do something helpful to yourself or others. Let it inspire you to start an organization, raise awareness (with humor and concern, not accusation or bullying,) make art, clean your house or office, burn some calories, or some other constructive behavior.

I would love to hear other people’s stories of anger and forgiveness, other methods of healing anger or using anger to make your life and the world a better place.  Please tell me all about it in the comments! ❤

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Modern technology has made it possible to do the same work year round, and to do any activity any season.

However, our bodies and spirits are still operating on Earth’s time. Our bodies and spirits prepare for the changing seasons, even when our minds are otherwise occupied.

Now that we can do pretty much anything pretty much anytime we want, we never seem to get around to the things that matter most to us, and this throws us off balance.

When we’re off balance, any little thing can knock us down and set us back. So tonight, I’m going to show you a way to invite balance back into your body, heart, mind, and spirit.

For this healing rite, you need:

  • a bowl of water big enough to wash your hands in
  • about a teaspoon of sea salt (or plain salt)
  • a small glass of water (to drink)
  • a few minutes of uninterrupted time in a place where you feel safe and comfortable

Read over this whole rite before you get started so you know what you are doing.

Then, get comfortable.  Tell your brain firmly to stop chattering and let you heal.  Relax your body, and breathe deeply as long as you need to.

When you feel ready, pour the salt into your palm.  Cover the salt with your other hand.  Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and imagine all the stress, frustration, tension, worry, anger, fear, and pain in your heart, mind, and body flowing down your arms, through your palms, and into the salt.

The salt absorbs all the energy you put into it. It greedily sucks up the last bits of negative energy from your palms and holds it for you.

When you are ready, open your eyes, and wash the salt from your hands in the bowl of water, washing those ickies off of your hands and out of your life.

Now that you have removed that damaged energy from yourself, you have created a void that must be filled. Most people vent off their anger, pain, or fear…and then fill the void with the same pain, anger, or fear.  Counterproductive, much?

The only way to heal anger is to overwhelm it with love & forgiveness.
The only way to heal pain is to overwhelm it with joy & pleasure.
The only way to heal fear is to overwhelm it with peace & trust.

Now is the time to fill your own personal void with love, joy, and peace.

Hold your cup of water in both hands and close your eyes. Think in great detail about people, memories, and activities that make you feel confident, happy, safe, loved, special, and peaceful.  Let those fillings fill you up, and overflow from your heart, down your arms, through your palms and into the water.

When you feel ready, acknowledge that your water is blessed with love, peace, and joy, and that you accept this peace, love and joy as your own.  It helps to acknowledge this out loud…it makes it more real for you to hear your own voice saying it.   Then drink this blessed water, and visualize it filling your void, healing you, and making you whole and healthy.

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